Recently, someone told me that they admired how confident I am and how I take on new challenges. She asked for some advice on how to be more confident. I gave her two pieces of advice: fake it til you make it, and talk to your Future Self and ask her what would be better for her.
The first is relatively easy: pretend to be a confident person. It gets easier over time, and there will come a day when someone says that they admire you for your confidence even though you know that there are plenty of days when you have to remind yourself to keep your head up.
The second requires more introspection. When presented with an opportunity, a challenge, or a difficult situation, I think about what will make Future Nadyne happier. Will Future Nadyne be happier if I have the carrots or the fries? Will Future Nadyne be happier if I take the opportunity to speak at this conference? Will Future Nadyne be happier if I go to the networking meetup? Will Future Nadyne be happier if I let this jerk steamroll over me?
Thinking about Future Nadyne makes Current Nadyne a better person. Doing this doesn’t mean that I don’t make mistakes, and it doesn’t mean that I’m successful in everything that I try. But it does mean that I take the time to truly consider whether I should or shouldn’t do something, and my consideration is based on what is best for me, not just on what is most comfortable for me.